Dear Ticketmaster,

WHY do you taunt me like this? WHY? Do you find some sort of sadistic glee in tormenting me with news that someone I would MURDER (not kill, MURDER) to see will be doing a show? Not only do you torture me with news that he will be touring for the first time in YEARS, but you tell me he is not coming to Ohio, no you tell me because he is coming to FORT WAYNE, INDIANA. Which, by the way, is 154 miles away (according to Google). AND THEN, you taunt me even MORE by pointing out that you've sent me this email so that I can receive PRESALE TICKETS. Which, being masochistic, I go and check out, just to see how much they are and to see if I could have gotten good seats anyway. Section B, Row F, Seats 2-5. Section B of this particular theatre is like, practically front row.

You, sir, are no gentleman.

And the offer ends tomorrow. And three tickets (for myself and my two roommates) would be 207$, which at Christmas time is near impossible.

I hate you Ticketmaster. You make me die a little inside because I will miss Bill Cosby and it's your fault for telling me. I could have lived happily in a blissful state of ignorance. I would not have known that he was going to be in Fort Wayne and wasn't even going to come near Ohio, but no.

I hope you stub your toe and learn something from this letter. Like how not to taunt poor, defenseless girls who grew up listening to Bill Cosby because of their wonderful grandfathers who taught them to play chess.

There, I bet you feel all guilty now. As well you should.

Sincerely yours,

Melissa