Dear Dog,

Please. Stop eating the cat. No, really. That noise he's making? It's not a "I'm happy and want to play with you" noise, that's a "OMG THE PAIN STOP EATING MY LEG OMG I'M DYING" noise. I know the other cat makes noises like that when he plays with you, but he's a "Special" cat, and Monty... well... Monty is handicapped. And not mentally like Gus is. Now leave the poor thing alone to wallow in his pirate-y, one-eyed, losing hair, delicate flowerness, mkay?

Sincerely Yours,

Melissa